I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?