You just made me feel so damn special
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.