Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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