The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal