you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.