xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
