Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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