I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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