im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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