wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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