If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What drink are we having for lunch?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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