She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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