Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
