I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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