Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
