i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
