i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
