That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is Oprah even human
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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