god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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