My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
