So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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