It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
