whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
