8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
