Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
