she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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