You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
