What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
