Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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