My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
