I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
