Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize