He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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