Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
