So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
