I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he shaved USA in his pubs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
