i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How's work?
Spinning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
