Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
