Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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