I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this just has baby written all over it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
