How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
