You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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