You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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