how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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