dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
