Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
a search helicopter?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
