I feel like abortions should bother me more
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
