I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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