so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
