she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
