his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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