I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
