I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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