We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
