Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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