She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
