Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
