just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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