Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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