That's intense
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
