I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
