Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
