I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it because I queefed?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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