Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
