We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
