I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
