girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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