I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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