Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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