Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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