Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
