i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
