we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
