My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please, let me fuck your mom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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