There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
