dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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