You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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