Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize