hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
