Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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